It’s Mother’s Day! And since I gave an update on Edison already on this blog, I figured, why not share with you all where I’m currently at in being a first time mom.
Let me start by saying this: There is no easy way to be a mom. Whether you’re working, a SAHM or somewhere in between like me, children are a difficult balancing act and this blog doesn’t really contain any answers. Rather, it’s a reflection on what I’ve learned thus far trying to balance the two.
I have been pretty open across my social media accounts about the difficulty that I’ve had adjusting to my new normal, which seems to be in a constant state of fluctuation. I’m sure that this is a common case for the vast majority of mommies out there, but I want to touch on this from the perspective of a new, young momtrepreneur.
The Blessing & The Curse.
I’m blessed and thankful to be able to work from home. It saves us a fortune on childcare and allows me to be there every step of the way for Edisons development. I couldn’t imagine not being there for the first time he giggled, babbled, or signed to me that he wanted food. It’s crazy to me just how quickly Edison has become the focus of our world and just how much it means to me to be by his side to witness these life milestone he’s accomplishing. I love this and I would trade it for nothing. But, I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a time suck.
Some days Edison is very cooperative and it makes me feel like a super woman when I can care for him and get my administrative task complete. But there’s more than a handful of days when Eddie will not stand for anything less than all the attention, all the time. It doesn’t help that he has my determination either. Just like his mama, when he wants something, nothing short of God will get in his way of getting it. It wears on me, I break down and the next thing I know, I’ve spent the last eight hours, cuddling, reading and playing. This always sounds amazing, until I realize that I still have hours worth of work that I need to finish.
Goal Getter Guilt.
I feel guilty when I put my clients before Edison. I have this constant feeling that whenever Edison is remotely uncomfortable, I need to fix it, because I’m his mother. But I also feel guilty when I put Edison before my clients. After all, they pay me for my expertise and my time. I have always prided myself on the positive relationships that I form with my clients and that is something I don’t want to loose.
To be honest, I don’t think the guilt will every truly go away. I’m a pretty great juggler (literally and metaphorically speaking), but it’s just not possible to be 100% committed to Edison and 100% to my clients at the same time, all the time. It’s a true relief the brief moments I get when motherhood and entrepreneurship decide to coexist in unison. But my honest reality is most of the time these two parts of my life mix as well as oil and water.
They Don’t Have to Mix.
With Edison, I’m constantly learning that these pre conceived notions that I have about how things should be, are just little more than fantasy. I was listening to a TedTalk the other day and this idea really stood out to me: Most successful people don’t have immediate balance in their day to day lives. Instead, they experience balance over time.
When I went back to work, just two weeks after Edison’s birth, I expected to be able to stick to my tightly crafted schedule, and that just wasn’t the case. I felt like I was failing because I couldn’t do it all at the same time. I know that I’m not the only one to experience this feeling, but it it was a lonely spot to be in.
What I’m learning now is, that its 100% okay to spend 9 hours on Edison during the day if that is what needs to happen, then hand him over to Stephen so I can lock myself up and spend 4 or 5 hours to myself to work at night. It’s okay to call up a client and let them know that a deadline might need to be pushed back in order to ensure quality of work. It’s okay to hand Edison off for a few hours to family or friends (I’m not ready for a babysitter yet) so that I can focus on my work if that’s what needs to happen.
All these things, and any combination in-between are ok to do. Being a work from home mommy allows me the freedom to make whichever decision is best for me at the moment. It’s still hard. I still feel guilty and I don’t think that will ever change. But I wouldn’t change this situation for the world either.
Whoa! This post was long and ramblely. But I know so many others feel the same way, so I wanted to share my thoughts. Anyways, how have you adjusted to motherhood and working? Have any tips? Let me know down below!!